‘Frustration Made Me Do This And Am Hoping You Understand’



At just fourteen, she had taken one of the biggest decisions a girl could take, never to get married. Although, she liked the idea of seeing two entirely different beings show affection to one another, she however detests seeing casualties emerge from such visuals. She grew up to be very inquisitive and intelligent, asking questions that weren’t expected of a fourteen year old, yes, she was that smart adding her smartness with her huge flair for nature most especially bees, talking none stop about nectar, color of flowers and the fragrance they emit.

My name is Lola, and I hate my father. You probably think am the saddest person on earth but that’s fine, I get that a lot lately. From the moment I could pronounce the word dada, I watched helplessly day in day out, how my father turned my mum into a punching bag, he beat her so much, it felt like a routine for him. Seeing so much assault and pain in the house, led to me taking the biggest decision yet, ‘I am never getting married.’ I hate men, they disgust me but I understand that “they say some are different,” the truth is I don’t care. Corper Tunde, who seemed to be different, I really trusted him. I told him about daddy and mummy fighting, told him I wanted to be happy and he was there for me from the start, well it looked that way till he started to touch me. Mummy was too busy receiving beatings and daddy, Sigh! I don’t want to talk about him.

On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I had private lessons with corper Tunde, which turned out to be a free day for him to mess with me as no one was ever around. Those days were also the days, my mother had to be in church for bible studies.

And my father was never there and even when he was home, it still felt like he wasn’t. He was never too far from hitting mum, driving his fist on her face; knocking her into shape…I tried on many occasions to stop him but got my share of the fist from the beast.

On my fifteenth birthday, although I wasn’t looking forward to it but I already knew what I was going to do. I had been speaking with Cynthia[a friend from school, who became my confidante] about my situation and she had planned she would help me run away but the question was, where to?

On a Friday, at about 8:34pm, all hell broke loose as my dad was about to have dinner. I had planned on killing my father. Now, it should be noted that initially, I was going to let it slide but after he beat mummy for forgetting the egusi soup that was on fire because she had over slept, probably because she was pregnant and due in a months’ time. All I heard was mummy screaming only to get closer after rushing away from corper Tunde to see mummy on the floor bleeding profusely, apparently daddy had pushed her down the stairs. It was that day I made up my mind that there’s nothing to kill in the man, he was as good as dead. What do you call a man that beats up his wife and has no conscience?

She lost the baby and almost her life with a lot of bruises and a broken leg. Everyone kept silent about the situation and of course daddy never showed up at the hospital. Few days after, mum’s brother came to take her away to his place and I was to join Cynthia at her house because of our forth coming exams. Uncle Bakare had wanted to call the police on my father, but mummy pleaded her way out.

Few days later I joined Cynthia at her parents home, we sat for our exams together and passed in flying colors.

Cynthia is the only person that has loved me. Although, she is a few months older she showed me she loved me. I hate to admit it, but I loved her too. I can’t resist how she kisses, touches, and holds me, taking all my fears away and showing me that love can be found somewhere else even in the worst situations.

Few years after, my father died and we never saw each other after we left the house 12 years later. He died a miserable death. He died paralyzed, so I heard from my uncles. They said he was poisoned with some drug and the police are investigating. Mummy is doing alright and Cynthia and I are still together.

My name is Lola, and I killed my father.



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