7 Vital Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

Opinion - Domestic Violence/Bullying

For sometime now, there has been several cases of domestic abuse in relationship, relationships which many people would not in their wildest dreams think can ever witness such.

The most  recent is the case of the Shonde family where the husband has been accused domestic violence which led to the death of his wife and mother to his three kids.

Now, I have come to ask myself, how and why domestic violence even rear its ugly head in any home or relationship? Is it that the women were blind to the signs or the fact that they did see the signs but still decided on moving ahead with the relationship?

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Absolutely nothing should make any woman/man move forward with such relationship, because, if at the end of the day such a person escapes with his or life, the scar that has been left in the heart,soul and body of that person is forever. Let’s not even go into what it would do to the kids who witness such between their parents(Story for another day).

Today,m we will be discussing the vitals signs that will immediately make you realize that you are in an abusive relationship and its high time to leave in one piece.

  1. He is a control freak: Does he wants to know your every move and every plan? Does he interrogates anything you do or are a part of? He wants a receipt or even explanation on how the money he gave you was spent. Wants to know who just called, or you just called? Baby boo, you immediately know its time go pack up and go. I once dated a man who would ask me these questions, in-fact, his was worse. If i was walking on the street and he calls and hears a passerby, he immediately assumes am with another boyfriend, yea, irt was that bad. What did I do, O checked out. I thought within myself, ‘What would he do, if we were married?
  2. Never allows interaction: When he starts stopping you from taking that job because its mostly men he saw there when he drove you for it? You can’t have your friends over or even go see them. Your family is not welcome in the house, I doubt anyone would need a sorcerer or seer to tell them this is a no go area.
  3. Commitment from the get go: You start the relationship and the next thing he is all up in the whole ish. He is the one that has never been loved the way you love him. He is the one, who has always been disappointed by ladies and would be rest assured if you guys can make your relationship a committed one almost immediately. He is the one who sees no need in dating and you making certain you should be with him or other suitors. He charms his way into your life almost immediately after meeting. Boo Boo, that’s a sign. Dust your ass and take a leave.
  4. Obvious and constantly jealous: Am certain this is clear even without much explanation. He calls you every minute of the day, sends you texts, drops by your home without prior plans and unexpectedly.
  5. He is never at fault: When  there is an issue that he is to be blamed, he is never the one who should be blamed. His family, friends or even a bystander..its glaring, he is will definitely abuse his partner.
  6. Verbal abuse: When he starts calling you all sorts of degrading names, says means things to you, criticizes your every move…yes, he will definitely abuse his partner. The other day, a neighbor of mine had gotten beaten by her husband. When I sat down to talk to her, she said he would always call her all sorts of names, insult the fact that she was never able to finish her education and even compare her to some other girls out there. Upon further investigation, this had been going on for a while until the day he first snapped.
  7. He has a domestic violence history: I always say it, when a man raises his hand to hit a woman once, he will surely do it again. A lot of woman, who come forth about domestic violence always have the same story line. ‘He beat me once and begged and I forgave him and then he did it again.” Same thing happened to my neighbour, he had hit her way before they moved to our compound, he begged, she forgave, before hitting her again.


Ladies, if you have noticed any of these signs in the person you are dating or are married to, please know its time to leave. Its best you leave now than for your dead body to be carried back to your parents with different stories on who was at fault start filling the air.

Written: Tope Delano


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Temitope Delano

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